An article titled, Crucial Conversations, published in the May/June 2016 issue of Faith Today, drew my attention. Tim Schroeder provides an overview of "what [crucial conversations] are, how to have them, and why they matter so very much" (p. 30). The article encourages the development and practice of the art of crucial conversations among the Church and its Leadership. As the article unfolds, Author Tim Schroeder argues that respectful honesty, bottom line to crucial conversations, also applies to our other relationships, and that a failure at that level is indicative of a failure in the quality of our relationship with God.

Canadian Christians and people tend to be respectful of others, but at the cost of not being fully honest in crucial areas. Over time, this tends to permeate the cultures of our churches, families and businesses. it is a two-sided issue, says Schroeder : courage and skill. We lack the courage required to be truthful, and we need to develop the skills for telling the truth in a respectful manner.

Summarizing from Joseph Grenny and Kerry Patterson's Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Schroeder writes : "Grenny and his group are emphatic that the starting point for holding a crucial conversation well is not technique but rather a thorough examination of your own heart. It is only when your motives and goals are clear and pure that you are postured to engage in a crucial conversation well. When your love for your spouse, children, calling or church outweighs your fear of rejection or pushback, you will find the courage necessary to persevere through a difficult conversation " (Faith Today May/June 2016, p. 31).

On the skill side of this all-important issue of learning how to hold crucial conversations, Schroeder says, "[T]here is a way to be 100 per cent candid and 100 per cent respectful at the same time. It is a skill that can be learned" (Faith Today May/June 2016, p. 31).

Here, he draws from Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler, Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior, arguing that one must distinguish three levels of conversation: content, pattern and relationship. For example, discussing with or about someone who was late once for an important appointment would be considered a content related conversation; if the person was late several times, then the conversation would have to be pattern related; when a pattern has began negatively affecting relationships or damaging them, the conversation should focus on relationship.

Schroeder next borrows from the work of christian psychologist Henry Cloud, to help identify whether the persons involved in a situation that requires a crucial conversation are destructive, or foolish, or wise; for each of those require a different approach.

I encourage you to read in its entirety Tim's Schroeder article, Crucial Conversations, from Faith Today, a free on-Line Canadian Christian magazine, and to contribute to the present thread with a discussion of what this could imply for forum discussion.